Sunday, August 19, 2007

10 Midwood: May I Have More Piss, Please?

How much piss can one building have?

If piss were oil, 10 Midwood would be Saudi Arabia.

Now this is just getting ridiculous. I see a few reasons why all this might be happening.

1) The landlords are not fixing people's toilets, thus causing them to piss everywhere in the building.
2) There are a lot of bums sneaking around and peeing all over stuff.
3) Some people just don't care about where their pets urinate and don't give a second thought to the health hazard they create for others.

Screw you, 10 Midwood. Seriously.

Saturday, August 18, 2007

10 Midwood: A Recipe For Morning Delight!

Ever feel the need for a nice morning wake up treat? Try it the 10 Midwood way!


1 big puddle of piss
1 dog durd
1 broken beer bottle

Bake overnight for optimum smell in the morning. Mmmmmmmmmmmm!

Friday, August 17, 2007

10 Midwood: The Piss Goes On.

Pleasant surprises like this make life worth living.

I got up to walk the dogs today, and look what was waiting for me in the 'hell'avator! Good morning humongous puddle of piss! Shame on the person who doesn't clean up after their dog (or themselves). That's 10 Midwood style, folks. Apathy towards living in filth.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

10 Midwood: A Magical Piss-Filled Fantasy Land.

Someone couldn't hold it in! Human or animal...we'll never know.

When I walked in this evening after a long day at work, I was greeted by the smell of fresh urine and this gigantic puddle of piss by the stairs. Needless to say...

I was pissed off.

Would you want to pay rent to live here? Don't piss away your money.

Saturday, August 11, 2007

10 Midwood: The Writing Is On The (Elevator) Wall.

Makes you feel nice and secure, right?

If you are lucky enough to live on the third floor of 1o Midwood, you get to read some really neat graffiti every time you get off the super-deluxe elevator. There are such notable quotables as...

No Bloodz Allowed. Yes, these probably are the same Bloodz from 'Crips and Bloodz' fame. I hope that there are no Crips living here. Is this a gang building?

Fuck Da World - Fuck Bitches. Reading this when you get off the elevator puts you in an inspired state of mind. After all, we all wanna fuck some bitches, right?

Oh 10 Midwood, you have so much culture and character!

Friday, August 10, 2007

10 Midwood: A Bum Rap.

Goodnight moon! Goodnight shoes! Goodnight drunken bum on steps!

If you feel lonely after moving into 10 Midwood, rest easy knowing that you can meet lots of new friends in your travels up and down the steps if the awesome elevator isn't up to your standards. Since the lock on the front door of 10 Midwood is constantly broken (don't ask me how!), drunken vagrants can wander in and set up shop for the night in the stairwell.

"Meet new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other...wasted..."

Monday, August 6, 2007

10 Midwood: Elevating Standards.

Peanuts! Get your peanuts here! Peeeeeeeeeeeeeanuts!

10 Midwood provides free snacks to anyone who will eat off the ground.

What a charitable building. Food for everyone!

Believe it or not, these photos were taken on a "clean" (note the quotes) morning at 10 Midwood. The elevator is constantly filled with crumbs and leftover food. I guess since there are not very many restaurants in Prospect Lefferts Garden, 10 Midwood's elevator is one of the most scenic eateries around. I fear taking my dogs in here every day, wondering what they will try to eat and if what is on the floor will kill them. One time I found pills on the ground and my puppy put it in his mouth! Disgusting!

Good Morning 10 Midwood!

Top o' the morning to you, empty bag.

Hello Dorito bag and take-out container!

Clean as a whistle. (A whistle that has been in a landfill.)

Who needs singing birds in the morning when you have garbage and litter strewn about your entranceway? Every morning you can wake up to crunchy broken glass, chicken wing bones, various food containers, empty bottles, and empty cans which compose the lovely potpourri of crap surrounding 10 Midwood. Oh what a beautiful morning...

10 Midwood: A Cut Above.

Fun for the whole family.

A few days ago I noticed this rusty knife laying on the fireplace mantle in the lobby. Here's how I do the math:

Free rusty knife + shady neighborhood = crime.

Maybe I'm just paranoid. In any event, I threw this out this morning. Midwood's a little safer, for now. But as one 10 Midwood resident can attest...

Sure beats "Welcome" or "Home Sweet Home," doesn't it?